So lately I’ve been obsessed with outdoorsy shows such as Survivorman, Man vs Wild, and Whale Wars.  I’ve had a yearning to go camping and just get away for long periods of time.   Yes, my favorite movie is Swiss Family Robinson as well.  

After years of listening to the radioshow, Loveline, whenever something strange develops in someone’s life my first instinct is always to ask, “Where’s the father?”  So I’ve come to the conclusion that this recent development stems from the fact that my Father never built me that Goddamn tree house he promised me when I was a kid…  Thanks Adam Corrolla and Dr. Drew…

I often ask myself if it makes me arrogant to think I could come up with better commercials than 90% of those that I have to suffer through… Or am I just thinking what everyone else is? Let me get this straight, you are going to have a fat man named, Jared pushing sandwiches and telling people to be healthy and lose weight? I wish I could have been in the boardroom for that pitch. Rrriiight…

So I was hanging out in my favorite cafe in the Outer Richmond, and while drinking coffee and reading about the lowly 49ers, I overheard a hilariously ignorant convo happening to my left.  I found it fascinating that the two older gentlemen conversing to my left were discussing politics and the presidential election.  As a political junkie, and one that is completely intrigued by random people’s conversations, I had to listen.  At first I thought they were joking.  If they were, these two older gentlemen had quite the sense of humor and really knew how to mess with me.  They were discussing how it was impossible to vote for Obama because his middle name is “Hussein” and he’s a Muslim.  I was unaware of this, development.  If this is true I can’t vote for him either.  I also heard he’s black so that’s another reason I can’t vote for him.  I just want to thank these two individuals for bringing this to light so I don’t waste my vote on someone who “ain’t like me”.  Oh wait, I already mailed it in… Dammit!

So my family has always been very spiritual and believed in everything happening for a reason and also noticing synchronicities in life… I’ve come to the conclusion that I believe in the same. Honestly. I’ve also come to the conclusion that I’m about to through my piece of shit laptop through the window…

Things I need to better control- buying things from infomercials late at night while drunk… I always forget what I’ve done the morning after, and a week later I end up with a present in the mail (normally costing me $19.99 plus s&h).

My latest splurge was on the “Iron Gym”. I guess I didn’t call within the normal 10 minute time-frame, because I didn’t get a second for free. Alcohol is the devil…

So in the past several days I’ve been traveling and couch-surfing like crazy.  I’ve been to San Diego, Baltimore, D.C. and all over the state of MD (And I guess you can count San Fran too…).  Couch-surfing is awesome, but people out here don’t appreciate it as much.  It’s the way to go rather than the lap and luxury of hotels.  You meet awesome people.  You meet wicked weird people.  And there are always stories to tell…

Last night I spent up in Baltimore with a friend and went to some UMD Law School party and I was shocked at how chill everyone was. Everyone was getting along with everyone else. It kinda reminded me of San Francisco.  Well that is until we walked outside and saw the girl on Meth holding a stuffed kitten in one hand and her underwear in the other… Wait, no that totally would be a San Francisco moment… Oh yea now I know what it was, it was when we walked outside to go back to her apartment and there was a helicopter searching for criminals and police cars everywhere.  And then three blocks later- you guessed it!  No, no more girls on meth with underwear and kittens in hands.  But more police lights and people getting arrested. That’s when I knew in fact, I was not in San Francisco any longer haha.

Tomorrow’s destination: Delaware???  Count me in.  It’s beach time, no matter how bad my sunburn is already.

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but It drives me up the wall when people don’t return my phone calls. I’d say it’s, I dunno- A lack of respect? I feel like it’s about the equivalent of telling me “I don’t care enough about you to respond.” I find it especially amusing when it comes from those whom it bothers the most when it happens to them.  And I’m a little more in-tune with things going on around me than others…

So I found a hilarious book that fits me well. It’s my favorite book at the moment, and titled, I Hate this Place: A Pessimists Guide to Life. Written so eloquently by authors Jimmy Fallon of SNL (whom I normally don’t like) and his sister Gloria, they take the reader into a world of cynical bliss. A must read for anyone who has been “shat” on and constantly sees shitty people happy around him or her!

What a disaster…

I’m really not a big corporate person, but when something is really awesome it’s worth mentioning.  Like Southwest Airlines’ “Ding” download thingy.  It just dings and lets me know when there are cheap specials.  I just bought tickets for $109 each way.  And then I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.  Oh wait I don’t have a car…

One thing that gets under my skin is when someone consistently clings to one thing they’ve done a long time ago and claims that’s why they are qualified to do so many things today… ie: McCain.  If I hear McCain say one more time that he was a prisoner of war, and that some how qualifies him to own seven houses (worth a total of $13 million) and to run our country (even though in December of 2007 he claimed he was not knowledgeable about economics), I think I’m going to stab myself with a fork.

Seriously?  I feel like half our country is still drinking Budweiser and wearing number 8 Dale Earnheardt racing T-Shirts while the other half is trying to move forward but is being kept back by the Nascar crowd.  How is this race so close?  What a joke.  Thank Santa my two states (Maryland and California) vote BLUE!

BWI/Me- That’s all I can really say right now on here…

And way to pick family friend Joe Biden!  Obama/Biden!!!

Radiohead is overrated. That’s basically all I have to say really…

Dear Journal, God, or Santa,

Why did I go to grad school again?  And I should have gone for something else instead like Social Justice I’ve decided…  And if there’s a draft do you think they’ll find me if I hide out in the gap in Condi Rice’s teeth?  That’s my plan.  Thanks for listening Journal, God, and or Santa!

“Could it be Jesus? Well, yes it could be. Or it could be a Furby!”

-Bill Maher, tonight on Larry King (This fucker makes me laugh-not Larry King)

So I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone in the world is just out for themselves and that everything that I was raised to believe and fight for is basically wrong. That’s basically it. Oh yea and that private school that I went to with the hippie message of respect and community, well- outside those walls haha it seems like it’s screw or be screwed…

I’ve decided I want a dog. A dalmatian to be exact. I shall name him “Mr. Pants” and when I want him to fetch I will call out, “blast off, Mr. Pants!”

So when Russia and China invade us (which I anticipate is relatively soon) Mr. Pants and I will blast off up north to Canada and hide out up there. Or I can yell out, “blast off Mr. Pants the Russians and Chinese are coming!” Yea I think I took too much Vicadin for my knee…

So, it’s been an odd month and a half to say the least… So I’ve had an anagnorisis. Time to write a children’s book! I think it was when I was couch surfing and woke up wasted on the beach staring at the stars when I decided this. Well trying to, but all I could see was fog actually…

The only thing I’m having a hard time with is deciding on a title. I’ve come up with three in no particular order:

1.) Acid Trips for Children!

2.) A is for Apathetic, B is for Blue

3.) Knees, Who Kneeds Them?

Honorable Mention: Noooo Don’t Hit Me!

So whenever I call my student loan service, I always get transfered to someone in India. If you were running a company controlling young people’s future, why would you outsource it to a country with people having trouble speaking English? I drew a picture detailing what I really think is going on… Why is this all underlined? I can’t get it to stop underlining everything. Blah.

So there’s a new book out titled, Hot Chicks with Douche Bags.  As someone who notices this kind of stuff everyday, I found it necessary to check out this book.  I can’t believe I didn’t think to create this book myself.  It’s so true too!  How many times a day do you see a hot girl with some asshole or douchebaggy guy?  Too many to count…  Check it out!