Dear Journal, God, or Santa,
So I’ve been graced with this wonderful torn ACL and only recently have I been able to walk. With a limp that is. So I went out to the Abbey Tavern across the street with a bunch of friends and drank for the first time in a looong time. It was weird though because I totally had a noticeable limp and people would look at me kinda weird. It was hot. So, I decided… the next time I go out I’ll just bring an eye patch with me and strap that to my head if I start getting any funny looks. That way people won’t really concentrate on wondering what’s wrong with my leg. They will either think A.) He’s blind, B.) Whoa this guy is nuts, or C.) Think it’s his artistic expression. Yea, since I live in San Francisco and there are strange people galore, I’m gonna go with “C”. Anywhere other than San Fran it would be “B”.
So when I got home before I passed out, I was thinking to myself, “wow someone could totally mug me (eye-patch or not) and there’s no way for me to get away.” Well of course unless they are hobbling too that is. So it made me think back to this one episode of King of the Hill when the little fat redneck child, Bobby takes a women’s self defense class because he’s getting picked on at school. The main defense mechanism was him screaming, “Get off my purse!” and then he kicked the mugger in the crotch. Then he ran away. I suppose that’s what I would do, but I’m still working on the running away part. Or I could just blow a rape whistle in his ear after I kicked him in the crotch… Oooh and then there’s mace… I’m sure he’d be so freaked out by this point (you because I’m also wearing an eye-patch) that he’d take off so I wouldn’t have to use mace.
So what have we learned? When you tear your ACL, hobble out to the bar and drink your face off with your friends. But don’t forget your eye-patch, to watch that King of the Hill episode, nor your rape whistle.
And then I found twenty dollars…
